1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize