If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
