i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
