Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
