Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
