Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
