My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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