I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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