sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
be right there i have to get my cape
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
