how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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