Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize