I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
