Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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