apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
