Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
