So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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