I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
