If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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