i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
