the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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