It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize