i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
