Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just googled if crying burns calories
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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