There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
