I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
