Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We are two peas in an std pod
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
