There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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