I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
