hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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