I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Actions speak louder than pants.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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