I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
