the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
