just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
