it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
