Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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