so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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