i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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