i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
