just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
