I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
