Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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