i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
