No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just gargled with NyQuil
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
