i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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