Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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