thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
