Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize