and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
