I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
