I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
