There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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