And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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