Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize