Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
