Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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