i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
