just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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