Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
