I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
