you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
