at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
