I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
