"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ok first of all what the fuck
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
