sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
