I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
