I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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