sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
